flushing my feelings ducts.

First of all, I want to wish all of you a merry Christmas, and secondly I would like to warn you that this post might be boring and uninteresting, but I like blogging, so I continue. OH, and another warning that this post is incredibly feelingsy.
Wow, this year went fast. It was a good year, but so...different. I can honestly say that this past year has changed my life in every aspect. I don't know how I feel about having changed so much, and maybe nobody else realized this other than myself, but golly, it's a big change. What I've noticed is that I've really come out of my shell; I used to be such a sentimental, naive, care-free kid, and I never really felt like I had anyone that really understood me in my life, but I think it's because I never understood myself. ( I'm sorry for the sappy stuff, but I already warned you; you now read at your own peril.) I still don't completely understand why I do some of the things I do, but I feel I've developed and started to understand myself as a person a lot more. Events in this past year have most definitely contributed to this change in character. Recently I read some of my old journals (I am very into journals; you will not believe how detailed they are; to give you an idea, I would write about what cereal I ate that morning, perhaps the ratio of milk to cheerios etc. Very detailed.) and I realized how different I am from only a year ago. It's absolutely incredible. I'm not at all saying that these changes have been bad, I mean, for the most part they've been really good, but it scares me to realize that that little girl inside of me that had such childish innocence is dying. That kid that saw everything as good, and failed to see the evil in everything around her, but now I am sitting here, looking at the world and thinking, it is such an awful place so full of people who act different than who they really are, and just how selfish, so selfish, the real world is. Gah, it drives me crazy.
Anyways, more about the changing stuff. I had this great epiphany this year, wanna know what it was? That I don't have to like what other people like, or pretend I do. I can pick out the songs I listen to and the books I read without feeling like I need to like what other people want me to like, or be how they want me to be.  I don't need to be a people pleaser and get roped into something because I feel bad for someone! I mean, of course I am still willing to help, but I can't put too much on my plate here.
Okay, feelings session over.